Where To Start When You Have To Start Again
The story of the time I lost my job (that time being just last week).
I am writing to you today from the warm embrace of the family sofa, cup of coffee in hand, rain painting the windows with their tender trails. There is a faint mist in the gulley behind our house lingering lazily into the late morning, like a neighbour who’s popped over to return a dish and stayed for a chat. It’s been one week since I lost my job in corporate Sydney— a shock that even my family and friends felt deeply. A loss like this is a strange thing to experience, and my crochet project sitting idly by in the corner agrees with me (although is thankful for the unexpected company). That’s the nature of business, they say, things change, and where you were once perfectly suited for the role, you now no longer have the right experience. Like a tool in your grandfathers tool box; why use a Flathead screwdriver when you need a Phillips? Completely understandable, but no less painful.
After spending the following morning crying while binge-watching rug cleaning videos on TikTok, I turned my attention to the many creative projects I’ve longed to sink myself into, yet hadn’t had the time. The crochet blanket I’d promised to make for my friend a year and a half ago? I now have the time. Trying my hand at slow-stitching with thrifted fabric and thread? I now have the time. The pile of science-fiction books I bought in January which have been sleeping comfortably in their blankets of dust? I now have the time. I now have the time to re-design the cover of my book, edit a short story about a star who wishes to become a woman, go through my underwear draw, do my taxes, and a whole host of other things I hadn’t had the time to do.
An expected yet reliably distracting side effect of being so suddenly abundant of time is the gathering thoughts of what to do next. Expected because at some point you have to start making money to pay the bills. Distracting because the idea of going back to full-time corporate work makes me want to shriek, and day-dreaming about self-employed professions is drawing my attention away from the Seek.com search. I happily dove into these distractions, and by the end of the week I’d created a business I could quite happily start — a little online store full of finds from times gone by that people seem to crave (at least, that’s what Pinterest and TikTok tell me). Second hand children’s books, flatware that reminds you of Sunday lunches at your Grandmothers house, slow-stitch kits, homewares, and thrifted furniture with the perfect hint of yesteryear charm.
But there is a tension that comes with being an adult with responsibilities that demands respect. If I were a single woman I would dive head-first into this lovely little dream, but I’m not, and being able to afford a wedding and the downpayment for a house and having children (in this economy) is a sobering fact of life that needs to be considered. Oh sweet reality, how you love to remind me of your presence (but a presence I am ultimately thankful for because it often leads me back to wisdom). I’m sure this is a tension many of you can relate to, and I’m encouraged by the many for-runners who have laid down their dreams to provide for their families, my sweet Dad being one of them.
Love for the other to the point of self-sacrifice is the ultimate Christian virtue our beloved Lord so graciously demonstrated for us on the cross. Matthew 16:24 holds the clarion call of Jesus for every disciple, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Self-denial is the most unfashionable virtue in today’s zeitgeist, instead, the sacrifice of others for your own gain being promoted in every article, book and video out there. Love yourself more. Follow your truth. Unhappy in your marriage? Just leave! Pay no attention to the pain and heart-break you leave behind, as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters. The idol of our day truly is the Self.
Is my choice to find another corporate job instead of starting the lost and found online store really the biggest sacrifice? Not really. I’m sure I could start it later down the track. But what I’m finding is that life isn’t full of big sacrifices, but many little ones that no one would really notice except our Father in Heaven. Small daily deaths pave the way for the Kingdom of God to break into this earth, and brings more glory to God than we could ever really know this side of heaven.
My heart is full of very many dreams. Starting my own little creative business is one of them, but being a wife and a mother is a bigger and deeper one. Who knows what job I’ll get next, or if I’ll ever start a business of my own, but I can move forward with confidence knowing that my days are safely held in the hands of a really good God.
I went to my local thrift store this week and picked up a couple of children’s books. I’m really enjoying reading them again, the simple story and beautiful illustrations are soothing to the soul of the person who has spent far too much time looking at American election politics. Living like a Foxwood Tales mouse is now a life goal.
With love from my corporate keyboard,
x Zara
Nice, reflective piece. Thank you. I love the older children’s books much more than newer ones. The illustrations cannot be replaced. I have a 1951 set of childcraft.
Loved reading this. I'm sorry about the job; most of us have been there. Take care! I can relate to the big and small sacrifices as well. Good luck with the immediate and the slightly later goals. I'm keeping my own ones in mind as well : ).